Getting Back on the Bike and Letting the Body Lead - April 2021

My face, my heart and my soul were all smiling! They say that you never forget how to ride a bike. Boy, is that true! Being back on the bike gave me a sense of freedom I’d not felt in a long time.

Yes, there was some soreness. Yes, there was some chafing. Nevertheless, being on the bike, feeling the sun on my back, the wind in my face, filled my body with glee. Old muscle use patterns were dusted off. It felt so natural, so easy, that in some ways I felt like I hadn’t been off the bike for more than a couple weeks. In reality, I’d been off the bike for 3 years.

In college, I was a competitive cyclist and I loved, loved, the sense of freedom that being on the bike gave me. I would go anywhere my curiosity and physical stamina could take me. I had to stop racing due to knee issues. While it took 7 years for me to fully recover, I never lost the joy of being on the bike. In June 2014, I suffered a near fatal bicycle accident. The first 6 months post-accident focused on my acute healing - the broken bones and making sure my body could allow my brain to heal from the traumatic brain injury (TBI) I had suffered. In addition to the big layers of healing that continued to unfold, 2015 was focused on proving to myself my brain worked. It took consistent effort to rebuild my stamina to manage the tremendous multi-sensory stimuli we live with daily. When I felt overwhelmed from too much stimulus, from too many sources, my body rebelled. Sometimes painfully. Nevertheless, I challenged myself to create as many new neural pathways as I could. I was determined to reconnect words, my ability to express myself, and tap the knowledge I’d spent a lifetime curating. It took time. 2016 was about regaining the confidence that my brain functioned at nearly the same level as before my TBI. 

This journey has taught me that healing is like an onion. It happens in layers that may be thicker or thinner, softer or firmer. One way trauma can be thought of is as a stuck wave of energy. Healing comes when that energy finally moves and leaves the body. It comes to the surface when the body is ready to release them. Over the past 8 months, it seems another layer of healing has been working its way to the surface.

After my accident, it took several years for me to get back on the bike. It was scary to be back on the bike. It was scary to ride the same hill where I had crashed. Those first rides were as intense emotionally as they were physically. My body feared a repeat experience (and uncertain survival). My body wasn’t certain I had the physical stamina. I was determined to overcome these fears. I favored riding my mountain bike over my road bike because of the more relaxed position and because I hadn’t crashed on it. Unfortunately the frame of my mountain bike reached retirement age. So I let my bikes collect dust in the garage. Until recently.

Talking with a new friend and colleague, I discovered we shared a passion for riding. We both hadn’t ridden in a while so we scheduled a time to go together. The day we rode it was quite breezy. Choosing a flat circuit, we rode our road bikes in what seemed to be a constant crosswind. That didn’t matter. Although it was a little uncomfortable using muscles in new old ways, my body felt like one with the bike. My whole body smiled and shouted WHOOP-EE!! I couldn’t stop smiling.  On the bike, or off…for days. Despite muscle soreness afterwards, I bubbled with joy.

This muscle soreness is not unlike developing muscles of a leader. For me, leadership is a way of being, not just a role-based trait or skill. Like bike riding, there is an element of letting the body lead. It’s also important to remember we learn through our bodies and through recurrent practices. That may be the origin of the saying about getting back on the bike. It’s usually easy to get back on a bike, even when you “fall off”. In my case, I didn’t have to relearn how to ride a bike, so much as push through fear and anxiety. Leadership as a way of being isn’t about subject matter expertise. It’s about constantly learning about yourself and others. And learning means being able to take new actions.

I invite you to listen to your body. Your heart. Notice what becomes possible when your leadership originates from your heart and body. 

What are you practicing? Get back up on your leadership bike and see what flows. Where is your glee? Where is the wind on your face?

One of the biggest lessons I learned from my accident was the importance of entering a situation intentionally and being able to lead with whichever center was most appropriate. It’s all too easy in our culture to enter and lead with head. My TBI forced me to quiet my mind. My healing journey allowed other intelligences to arise. I find new possibilities often emerge entering and leading with the strength and wisdom of the heart and body. These elements can also be referred to as Emotional Intelligence (heart) and Neuroception (body). Basing your leadership in your heart and body allows you to be more creative and intentional in your response to any given situation. How would your leadership feel if you operate from your heart and body?